I spent a lot of Friday and really all of Saturday putting up Christmas lights. I have the distribution of the interior Christmas decor (trees, etc) down to a science. I did almost all of that on Thursday evening, but I am new to the Christmas lights game. I decided we should really try this year, and to that end, I took the 30 boxes of icicle lights I bought on clearance last year and (even though Whit was working and I had all the kids "helping me") on Saturday I was determined to hang them all up.
I took Whit's big, huge ladder, and my boxes of Wal-Mart plastic clips and absolutely zero knowledge of what I was doing and I just started going. If you know me, you will know that I have occasional manic (not diagnosed or anything!) fits where I get going and I just cannot stop. This was one of those. I am telling you, I took breaks to be a parent only. Otherwise, I was up there, clipping, hanging, connecting new strands, moving the ladder, lather...rinse...repeat.
I am not a complete moron. I plugged each and every strand in to check that it worked before putting them up. I set the ones that didn't work aside, as diagnosing the various reasons for such malfunctions is beyond my limited skill set. Every single strand I hung worked.
So I decorated all day. I got lights all the way across the house and around the side and then across the back patio. Oh, I was so proud. I stopped to put the kids to bed. I went back out for my pinnacle moment, I was ready to plug them in just before my husband came home. He would oooh. He would aaaaaahhh. He would be so impressed with my industry, my skill, nay, my artist's touch.
I dug around in the garage until I found an extension cord long enough. I recall standing on that ladder, peering at the row of lights that stretched out in front of me. If I closed one eye, it looked like they stretched out forever... or at least until the fence line. I plugged them in. They lit up!! And then promptly went out.
What!?
Maybe I had a bad cord. Checked it. Not the cord. Maybe something went out on that strand. I moved the ladder. I am a pro at moving the ladder now, so that was no biggie. I plug in the second cord. They light up! And then promptly go out. WHAT THE SNOWBALL EGGNOG CHRISTMAS TREE??? What is wrong!?
Okay I should say, on the record, that I know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I stand by my decision to plug in the third strand. There was an outside chance it was the outlet I was using, so I tried another outlet on the THIRD strand. Same. Exact. Thing.
Happiness evacuated the premises.
Cue my husband's arrival.
So it turns out, I might have had just a few too many strands all on the same uninterrupted line, or something. Suffice it to say, if one bulb goes out on a strand, they all go out. As I have pondered this over the past day I have come to a conclusion. I feel like it's a good analogy. (It might be that the haze of my frustration has befuddled my brain, so if this doesn't make sense to you, feel free to let me know). In any case, here is my epiphany for the week: Humans are like that strand of Christmas lights. Except if you look behind us, the lights go on and on and on in that direction too.
We lived with our Heavenly Father before we came here. We knew and loved Him and He loved us. He created us! Then He sent us here. We will go on being forever after we die, so that string of lights really does go on forever, just like it looked (and felt!) to me. One other similarity--we have the capacity to be full of light. His light. He wants us to have it. He is dying to fill us with the light of His love, although to be more precise, He really did send His son to die for just that reason: so we can return to Him and be filled with His light forever.
One tiny little short can derail all His glorious plans. He has provided us with the means to set things right. The way to prepare for His light again. We have an entire kit to repair our bulbs, so to speak, if we will just read His instructions (the scriptures!) and then DO IT. Oh we may need more help. That's where other people come in. They swoop to the rescue. Neighbors, friends, the occasional electrician! God will do whatever it takes to get us there. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He wants to see the glory of our lights shining for all the world. Unless we let a little thing derail us.
I was listening to one of my favorite hymns in church today. Number 27. Do you know it? Praise to the Man, a hymn about our prophet, Joseph Smith. Let me be clear here. In our faith, we DO NOT WORSHIP JOSEPH SMITH. We worship exactly three deities, who are all related. God, our Heavenly Father, His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, a member of the Godhead who agreed to stay in His Spirit form to help us all recognize truth and light when we hear, see or experience it during our sojourn on earth. And yet, there is a big push right now in the media to malign our faith, and our entire belief system based on the acts, whether real or exaggerated/twisted, of one man. The man who helped restore the gospel. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE Joseph Smith. I have a testimony that he was called of God. I believe that in a very difficult time, he did something truly earth shattering. As a young boy of only 14, he followed the directions of God the Father and His Son, and then followed their ongoing directions either directly or through angelic messengers. I believe that to my toes, and yet, that is one of the least important parts of my testimony. My real testimony has everything to do with God the Father, his Son, and the Holy Ghost. We only need the Book of Mormon because it has been through less translation error and it outlines some aspects of Christ's gospel a little more clearly than the Bible. It adds to it, nothing more, nothing less.
As I listened to and sang this hymn I thought how these questions about, nay, attacks upon Joseph Smith are Satan's current method of attacking the faith, the belief, the light, of so many people I know and love. I thought of how those people are letting one misdirection from the adversary blink out their entire strand of light. I thought about the joy I have from the gospel, from a relationship I enjoy with my Savior. I thought about the beauty of the light of so many souls all around me and I rejoiced in that beauty and I sorrowed at the diminishment of that light.
So my message tonight is a simple one: Let your light shine. This isn't specific to Joseph Smith and it's not only applicable to mormons. I think this is true for any Christian on earth. Don't let one little bulb going out short circuit your testimony, your love for your Savior. Don't let a hiccup today derail your eternity. Happy holidays everyone! Our Heavenly Father truly sent his Son to live here on Earth, amidst all of us imperfect mortals. After living a perfect life, and being abused in every way possible, Jesus Christ still loved us enough to die for us, and then to live again. I am so grateful for that knowledge and for the beauty of the light all around me. Shine on.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Consequences
We are here on the Earth, in bodies of flesh and blood, and most of us, at least most of you reading this, are free to make choices. We live in the United States, a mostly free country, and we get to make decisions every day. I decide when to wake up. What to wear. What to eat. Whether to care for my children, and how. I choose, choose, choose, all day. Sometimes I am baffled by all our options.
Just last night, I stood in front of the freezer and stared at all the things inside it. Frozen fruit, ice cream, tiny little individual sized cherry pies, ground meat, frozen chicken, egg rolls, pot stickers, frozen meals. I could go on and on and on. (It's a big freezer.) This is just one teensy tiny example of how many choices we make, how much freedom we have in this day and age.
What you may not remember, or what you may not believe, is that this freedom wasn't free to us. I'm not even talking about the wars fought by American troops to keep us safe and free, although of course, I am eternally grateful for their sacrifices. I'm talking about a much older battle on a much more dangerous battlefield. Long ago, in heaven, there was a different kind of battle, and that battle rages on all around us every single day, every hour, every minute. That battle is for your soul.
God had two sons, both angels of the morning. Both beautiful, talented, smart. Both had ideas for how all of us, God's spirit children, could go about obtaining bodies. There was only one real difference between their plans. In Jesus Christ's plan, we had to come to Earth, gain a body and then make choices. We were free to choose to follow God, to love God, to become like him, or we could choose not to. In Satan's plan (also known by the name of Lucifer at that time), we didn't have that option. We would, like robots, come to earth, gain a body, and make all the right decisions. We would be ushered back to God's presence to live with Him again.
God knew that would not ever result in his children becoming like Him. We would have bodies, created in his image, sure, but we would not have become closer to Him in any other way.
To succeed, you must first be able to fail.
God chose Jesus' plan and we came to this Earth. We make decisions every day, ranging from small to large. We can choose to do and say and be most anything, if we are willing to work for it. There is only one thing we can't choose:
the consequences of our choices.
My kids are learning this the hard way. I look at them with wise, old eyes and I shake my head as they experience this truth. Tessa will insist she absolutely must hold my cup. She will pull and pull on it until I let her. Then she will pour the milk, or ice water, or whatever it contains all over herself. And then she will cry, because she is inexplicably wet. Six years down the road of life, I watch my son Eli, who is like genius level smart, talk about how the other kids around him just aren't very good at reading. Then I see him struggle to make friends with those same kids. Oh, Tessa. Oh, Eli. Choice. Consequence. The one follows the other as inexorably as the tides.
As wise and old eyed as I may feel, I still learn this principle myself on a regular basis. In fact, just last week, I sat in my house, crying, sobbing on the floor with my baby Tessa because I didn't have the proper paperwork when the entire family reached the dock in Galveston, and the cruise line wouldn't let my one year old on the family cruise. Whose fault was that? Mine, of course. I made choices that landed me at home, during a vacation, with no one but myself to blame. I am sure my Heavenly Father was up in heaven shaking his figurative head over my frustration and my hurt. "Oh darling Bridget, it was due to your own decisions that you're in this mess."
So is this post about being depressed or upset or frustrated? About pointing out that we are all a bunch of morons, banging our heads against the wall because we don't want to deal with the consequences of our own choices? Well, I would be lying if I didn't admit that this country certainly seems to struggle with this simple concept. Oh how I wish people were willing to accept the problems they create for themselves. As a society, we seem to want to be able to sit around and have everything handed to us. We want toned, fit bodies without working out, nay, worse. While we scarf down cookies. We want the world give us free health care. Free food, free housing, the latest new gadget and by golly, we deserve it. Why? Because we've been told since we were born that we are super special perfect little princesses, every single one of us beyond price and precious.
That's wrong of course. You are only you. You are entitled to exactly what you earn, and not one iota more. You are worth nothing more than what you can make of yourself.
Except that's also wrong.
In a miracle I may never be able to fully understand, my perfect, sinless, brother, Jesus Christ loves me. He died for me, as most of us have heard, but what you may not know is that He also Lives for us. Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow. He lives for us every single day and He atoned for our sins, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and again on the cross. He lived a perfect, blemish free life full of absolutely, positively perfect choices, followed by more selfless and perfect choices and more, and more. We can't even understand Him, and yet, he did this so that He could take our sorrows, our sins, our bad, devastating, unsurmountable consequences upon Himself.
With Christmas around the corner, I am reminded more than ever of the greatest gift I ever received. The amazing news is that you received it, too. You truly are a perfect, precious, super special princess (or prince.) Your older brother gave you the greatest gift of all, because He wants you to return to His presence, to live with Him forever. He has the Grace to save you and He will save you if you will just accept His gift and let go of those treasured sins. Hand them over to Him and accept his atonement. That is my prayer this holiday season and every other day of the year. We have to accept the consequences of our actions whether good or ill, but we don't have to do it alone.
Just last night, I stood in front of the freezer and stared at all the things inside it. Frozen fruit, ice cream, tiny little individual sized cherry pies, ground meat, frozen chicken, egg rolls, pot stickers, frozen meals. I could go on and on and on. (It's a big freezer.) This is just one teensy tiny example of how many choices we make, how much freedom we have in this day and age.
What you may not remember, or what you may not believe, is that this freedom wasn't free to us. I'm not even talking about the wars fought by American troops to keep us safe and free, although of course, I am eternally grateful for their sacrifices. I'm talking about a much older battle on a much more dangerous battlefield. Long ago, in heaven, there was a different kind of battle, and that battle rages on all around us every single day, every hour, every minute. That battle is for your soul.
God had two sons, both angels of the morning. Both beautiful, talented, smart. Both had ideas for how all of us, God's spirit children, could go about obtaining bodies. There was only one real difference between their plans. In Jesus Christ's plan, we had to come to Earth, gain a body and then make choices. We were free to choose to follow God, to love God, to become like him, or we could choose not to. In Satan's plan (also known by the name of Lucifer at that time), we didn't have that option. We would, like robots, come to earth, gain a body, and make all the right decisions. We would be ushered back to God's presence to live with Him again.
God knew that would not ever result in his children becoming like Him. We would have bodies, created in his image, sure, but we would not have become closer to Him in any other way.
To succeed, you must first be able to fail.
God chose Jesus' plan and we came to this Earth. We make decisions every day, ranging from small to large. We can choose to do and say and be most anything, if we are willing to work for it. There is only one thing we can't choose:
the consequences of our choices.
My kids are learning this the hard way. I look at them with wise, old eyes and I shake my head as they experience this truth. Tessa will insist she absolutely must hold my cup. She will pull and pull on it until I let her. Then she will pour the milk, or ice water, or whatever it contains all over herself. And then she will cry, because she is inexplicably wet. Six years down the road of life, I watch my son Eli, who is like genius level smart, talk about how the other kids around him just aren't very good at reading. Then I see him struggle to make friends with those same kids. Oh, Tessa. Oh, Eli. Choice. Consequence. The one follows the other as inexorably as the tides.
As wise and old eyed as I may feel, I still learn this principle myself on a regular basis. In fact, just last week, I sat in my house, crying, sobbing on the floor with my baby Tessa because I didn't have the proper paperwork when the entire family reached the dock in Galveston, and the cruise line wouldn't let my one year old on the family cruise. Whose fault was that? Mine, of course. I made choices that landed me at home, during a vacation, with no one but myself to blame. I am sure my Heavenly Father was up in heaven shaking his figurative head over my frustration and my hurt. "Oh darling Bridget, it was due to your own decisions that you're in this mess."
So is this post about being depressed or upset or frustrated? About pointing out that we are all a bunch of morons, banging our heads against the wall because we don't want to deal with the consequences of our own choices? Well, I would be lying if I didn't admit that this country certainly seems to struggle with this simple concept. Oh how I wish people were willing to accept the problems they create for themselves. As a society, we seem to want to be able to sit around and have everything handed to us. We want toned, fit bodies without working out, nay, worse. While we scarf down cookies. We want the world give us free health care. Free food, free housing, the latest new gadget and by golly, we deserve it. Why? Because we've been told since we were born that we are super special perfect little princesses, every single one of us beyond price and precious.
That's wrong of course. You are only you. You are entitled to exactly what you earn, and not one iota more. You are worth nothing more than what you can make of yourself.
Except that's also wrong.
In a miracle I may never be able to fully understand, my perfect, sinless, brother, Jesus Christ loves me. He died for me, as most of us have heard, but what you may not know is that He also Lives for us. Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow. He lives for us every single day and He atoned for our sins, in the Garden of Gethsemane, and again on the cross. He lived a perfect, blemish free life full of absolutely, positively perfect choices, followed by more selfless and perfect choices and more, and more. We can't even understand Him, and yet, he did this so that He could take our sorrows, our sins, our bad, devastating, unsurmountable consequences upon Himself.
With Christmas around the corner, I am reminded more than ever of the greatest gift I ever received. The amazing news is that you received it, too. You truly are a perfect, precious, super special princess (or prince.) Your older brother gave you the greatest gift of all, because He wants you to return to His presence, to live with Him forever. He has the Grace to save you and He will save you if you will just accept His gift and let go of those treasured sins. Hand them over to Him and accept his atonement. That is my prayer this holiday season and every other day of the year. We have to accept the consequences of our actions whether good or ill, but we don't have to do it alone.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
I am Pro Life AND Pro Woman
This week, not for the first time, I read an article that equated being Pro-Life with being Anti-Woman. Let me say clearly and unequivocally that if you believe these to be synonymous, you are wrong. You can be Pro Life and also Pro Woman. I am going to try my utmost not to say anything inflammatory or do any name-calling in this post and I would appreciate if you could honor that sentiment in comments, etc. I do believe that people who are "Pro Choice" also have valid reasons for their position, and probably interesting perspective and life experience that has molded their beliefs. I mostly just want the chance to explain mine.
I am an attorney. I am a writer. I am a mother of four. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. I have been a woman in many of the ways you can be a woman--career woman, stay at home mom, part time mom, student, friend, sibling, mother, and on and on. I could keep spouting labels indefinitely. The fact is, woman includes a LOT of women, a lot of lifestyles and a lot of circumstances and all of them are special. In fact, as Latter-day Saints (aka, Mormons), we believe that each person on earth has a spark of the divine. We believe that we are God's offspring and that we all carry within us the potential to become more, to become better, to become in our own way, divine. In that regard, men and women are completely equal. We don't believe men are more, are better or have greater worth.
Equal Doesn't Mean the Same:
I don't mean to reference Brown v. Board of Education, because what an unmitigated mess. Obviously I am not saying separate but equal. In fact, quite the opposite. We are all in this together and we are all equal, but we aren't clones. Let me give you an imperfect analogy. My kids are all very different. One likes playing outside, one likes playing inside. One always wants boots on, and one loves to be barefoot. One loves bananas and one loves apples. If I am packing their school lunches, and I put a banana in one lunch and an apple in the other, their lunches are not the same, but they are equal. I have given them each fruit. Similarly, in life, we can all have different things that make us who we are, and we are not the same, but we have equal value. Isn't it glorious that the world is so full of different people and things?
I think you can see where I am going here--women and men are NOT the same, not at all. Not even all men or all women are the same, but there are some things that are a little more universal than others. Most women are able to (biologically speaking) have children. Some women choose to pass up on having them, for whatever reason, and some decide to have children. There are also women who are not able to have children. My heart hurts for those women who want to experience this and cannot, so I say the following with every bit of respect and honor that I can, and I do not in any way wish to offend.
Physically growing a child, giving birth to that baby and then nursing a newborn is absolutely awful.
It is also an incomprehensible miracle.
Men will never experience those things. Never, ever, ever. Parts of me pity them and parts of me envy them. That is life. Things in life are interesting, but rarely fair, rarely just.
My Position:
I believe that women have a choice, many choices in fact, but that the point at which a child has been conceived, they have made a choice (to have sexual relations) and therefore I am opposed to abortion of any kind, in all but two circumstances: if the fetus poses a risk to the life of the mother, or if the baby was the result of rape.*
Conception as my Bright Line:
So why draw the line at conception? Believe me, my husband is an ER doctor, so I am familiar with the scientific discussion of the common rate of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks or so. I am aware that not all fetuses are viable and that the body determines some are not and expels them. So be it. That may be so, but the only bright line that can really be used to determine when a fetus is viable is conception.
I believe this for a variety of reasons, but let's start with the most basic. If we plonked 100 people down in a new country and said, "You're the new world. Get going and form a government," anarchy might exist until someone said, "Hey, I don't feel safe." Government's most basic purpose is to protect the weak from the strong. Could anyone be more weak or underrepresented than an unborn fetus? Now, when one person's safety begins to impact another, you have to make a difficult call and that is why I would leave it in the mother's decision making wheelhouse to determine whether to abort a fetus if its continued existence could pose a risk to her life.
Let me be clear: preventative birth control is acceptable to me. Sperm alone, and eggs alone? They cannot create a baby. Mixed together, but without fertilization? No baby. Once the sperm has fertilized the egg and it has implanted in the uterus, there is a baby and it is likely to become a fetus.
If you have heard of Jonathan Swift, you might be familiar with a satire he wrote years and years ago. It was pretty revolutionary at the time--he suggested that starving colonists could eat babies. The arguments he made really stuck with me. If you've read Roe v. Wade (the Supreme Court Case that legalized abortion), the test of whether an abortion is okay is whether the fetus is "viable." What a terrible line! I mean, I have raised children and let me tell you--if you left my five year old alone she might not survive. I can say with no uncertainty that any newborn left alone will die. So if your line is viability, you may as well condone infanticide, and you may very well be stuck accepting toddler and young child-icide, too.
Choices for Women:
I, too, believe in choices for women. I just happen to believe in a little something called Consequences as well.
What do I mean? Well, I have worked hard to teach my children that while we are here on Earth, we can make decisions about everything under the sun, but after we have made our decisions, we do not get to choose what happens as a result. If we leave our bike out, it might be run over by our mom's car. (Yes, that happened tonight. Doh!) If we gobble up all our Halloween candy in two days, we will probably get a stomach ache. If we never water our plant, or feed our fish, they will probably die. We all have choices to make, from what to eat, to what to wear, to where and how to spend our time and money. Choices, choices, choices.
My second grader likes to say, "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose." This is a ridiculous thing to say, but it has a decent point. You can make choices that impact you alone, but when the consequences of your choices impact another person… well, then you might not be as "free to choose."
I believe (for religious reasons) in abstinence prior to marriage. Let me save my explanation on that for another post because this one is already REEEEEAAAALLYYYY long. But if you don't believe in that, it's okay. My point is that if you choose to enter into sexual relations with someone, whether you use birth control or not, nothing is perfect. You know the risks, or you should. (I think sex education has made some progress here, but parents should be addressing this, too.) It is not fair that women can get pregnant and men can't but, have I said this enough yet? Nothing in life is fair.
It is the reality. If you make a decision that results in a pregnancy, guess what? Having to give birth to a baby is your CONSEQUENCE. Even then, you have choices! You can keep the baby, you can give it up. You can let a family member raise it. There are open adoptions, closed adoptions, and on and on. You can choose, but your smorgasbord of choices should not include the one thing that impacts that other life, the one that exists as a consequence of another decision you made. The fetus. You should not be able to choose to kill it.
Okay so there it is. I am pro-woman. I would vote for a woman president, I would encourage women to do and be anything they want, but I also believe we should hold women accountable for decisions they make. I also believe in holding men accountable, by the way. I believe they have rights and obligations that accompany this issue, from child support to knowledge that a new life exists. But that's for another post as well.
One last issue. Why am I posting this on a religious blog? Isn't it political? Well, it is and it isn't. The views I have on choice, on free agency, on accountability and on the importance of life are all shaped by my religious beliefs and who I am. I believe in the importance of each life because I believe God has a plan for us all, love for all of us. I believe there are little spirits up in heaven He lovingly created who are waiting for bodies, who are waiting to come down to earth. I just want to conclude by acknowledging that I know there are gray areas and it's confusing and it's hard. I believe in His love and His concern for us. I hope I haven't offended anyone and I hope we can all be a little more civil, a little more understanding on this topic and on others. I especially hope that we can remember that the people who hold these beliefs are still people. Not idiots, not morons, not a vast group of confused imbeciles. Every single person on Earth is precious to God and I think that's my very point.
-Bridget
*I am aware that this raises the issues of "How will you enforce those two exceptions?" Well the health of the mother is easy. If the mother's health is at risk, she needs a doctor to sign off. Done. On the secondary question, whether the baby was the result of a rape, the answer is that anyone who was truly desperate could lie. She could get an abortion for a fetus that wasn't the product of a rape. So, this also rebuts all the arguments that there will be back alley abortions with coat hangers, etc. If a woman is truly desperate enough, she could go in and lie and get an abortion, but as an attorney, I want it on the books that it's illegal except in those circumstances to that women will take it seriously.
I am an attorney. I am a writer. I am a mother of four. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. I have been a woman in many of the ways you can be a woman--career woman, stay at home mom, part time mom, student, friend, sibling, mother, and on and on. I could keep spouting labels indefinitely. The fact is, woman includes a LOT of women, a lot of lifestyles and a lot of circumstances and all of them are special. In fact, as Latter-day Saints (aka, Mormons), we believe that each person on earth has a spark of the divine. We believe that we are God's offspring and that we all carry within us the potential to become more, to become better, to become in our own way, divine. In that regard, men and women are completely equal. We don't believe men are more, are better or have greater worth.
Equal Doesn't Mean the Same:
I don't mean to reference Brown v. Board of Education, because what an unmitigated mess. Obviously I am not saying separate but equal. In fact, quite the opposite. We are all in this together and we are all equal, but we aren't clones. Let me give you an imperfect analogy. My kids are all very different. One likes playing outside, one likes playing inside. One always wants boots on, and one loves to be barefoot. One loves bananas and one loves apples. If I am packing their school lunches, and I put a banana in one lunch and an apple in the other, their lunches are not the same, but they are equal. I have given them each fruit. Similarly, in life, we can all have different things that make us who we are, and we are not the same, but we have equal value. Isn't it glorious that the world is so full of different people and things?
I think you can see where I am going here--women and men are NOT the same, not at all. Not even all men or all women are the same, but there are some things that are a little more universal than others. Most women are able to (biologically speaking) have children. Some women choose to pass up on having them, for whatever reason, and some decide to have children. There are also women who are not able to have children. My heart hurts for those women who want to experience this and cannot, so I say the following with every bit of respect and honor that I can, and I do not in any way wish to offend.
Physically growing a child, giving birth to that baby and then nursing a newborn is absolutely awful.
It is also an incomprehensible miracle.
Men will never experience those things. Never, ever, ever. Parts of me pity them and parts of me envy them. That is life. Things in life are interesting, but rarely fair, rarely just.
My Position:
I believe that women have a choice, many choices in fact, but that the point at which a child has been conceived, they have made a choice (to have sexual relations) and therefore I am opposed to abortion of any kind, in all but two circumstances: if the fetus poses a risk to the life of the mother, or if the baby was the result of rape.*
Conception as my Bright Line:
So why draw the line at conception? Believe me, my husband is an ER doctor, so I am familiar with the scientific discussion of the common rate of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks or so. I am aware that not all fetuses are viable and that the body determines some are not and expels them. So be it. That may be so, but the only bright line that can really be used to determine when a fetus is viable is conception.
I believe this for a variety of reasons, but let's start with the most basic. If we plonked 100 people down in a new country and said, "You're the new world. Get going and form a government," anarchy might exist until someone said, "Hey, I don't feel safe." Government's most basic purpose is to protect the weak from the strong. Could anyone be more weak or underrepresented than an unborn fetus? Now, when one person's safety begins to impact another, you have to make a difficult call and that is why I would leave it in the mother's decision making wheelhouse to determine whether to abort a fetus if its continued existence could pose a risk to her life.
Let me be clear: preventative birth control is acceptable to me. Sperm alone, and eggs alone? They cannot create a baby. Mixed together, but without fertilization? No baby. Once the sperm has fertilized the egg and it has implanted in the uterus, there is a baby and it is likely to become a fetus.
If you have heard of Jonathan Swift, you might be familiar with a satire he wrote years and years ago. It was pretty revolutionary at the time--he suggested that starving colonists could eat babies. The arguments he made really stuck with me. If you've read Roe v. Wade (the Supreme Court Case that legalized abortion), the test of whether an abortion is okay is whether the fetus is "viable." What a terrible line! I mean, I have raised children and let me tell you--if you left my five year old alone she might not survive. I can say with no uncertainty that any newborn left alone will die. So if your line is viability, you may as well condone infanticide, and you may very well be stuck accepting toddler and young child-icide, too.
Choices for Women:
I, too, believe in choices for women. I just happen to believe in a little something called Consequences as well.
What do I mean? Well, I have worked hard to teach my children that while we are here on Earth, we can make decisions about everything under the sun, but after we have made our decisions, we do not get to choose what happens as a result. If we leave our bike out, it might be run over by our mom's car. (Yes, that happened tonight. Doh!) If we gobble up all our Halloween candy in two days, we will probably get a stomach ache. If we never water our plant, or feed our fish, they will probably die. We all have choices to make, from what to eat, to what to wear, to where and how to spend our time and money. Choices, choices, choices.
My second grader likes to say, "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose." This is a ridiculous thing to say, but it has a decent point. You can make choices that impact you alone, but when the consequences of your choices impact another person… well, then you might not be as "free to choose."
I believe (for religious reasons) in abstinence prior to marriage. Let me save my explanation on that for another post because this one is already REEEEEAAAALLYYYY long. But if you don't believe in that, it's okay. My point is that if you choose to enter into sexual relations with someone, whether you use birth control or not, nothing is perfect. You know the risks, or you should. (I think sex education has made some progress here, but parents should be addressing this, too.) It is not fair that women can get pregnant and men can't but, have I said this enough yet? Nothing in life is fair.
It is the reality. If you make a decision that results in a pregnancy, guess what? Having to give birth to a baby is your CONSEQUENCE. Even then, you have choices! You can keep the baby, you can give it up. You can let a family member raise it. There are open adoptions, closed adoptions, and on and on. You can choose, but your smorgasbord of choices should not include the one thing that impacts that other life, the one that exists as a consequence of another decision you made. The fetus. You should not be able to choose to kill it.
Okay so there it is. I am pro-woman. I would vote for a woman president, I would encourage women to do and be anything they want, but I also believe we should hold women accountable for decisions they make. I also believe in holding men accountable, by the way. I believe they have rights and obligations that accompany this issue, from child support to knowledge that a new life exists. But that's for another post as well.
One last issue. Why am I posting this on a religious blog? Isn't it political? Well, it is and it isn't. The views I have on choice, on free agency, on accountability and on the importance of life are all shaped by my religious beliefs and who I am. I believe in the importance of each life because I believe God has a plan for us all, love for all of us. I believe there are little spirits up in heaven He lovingly created who are waiting for bodies, who are waiting to come down to earth. I just want to conclude by acknowledging that I know there are gray areas and it's confusing and it's hard. I believe in His love and His concern for us. I hope I haven't offended anyone and I hope we can all be a little more civil, a little more understanding on this topic and on others. I especially hope that we can remember that the people who hold these beliefs are still people. Not idiots, not morons, not a vast group of confused imbeciles. Every single person on Earth is precious to God and I think that's my very point.
-Bridget
*I am aware that this raises the issues of "How will you enforce those two exceptions?" Well the health of the mother is easy. If the mother's health is at risk, she needs a doctor to sign off. Done. On the secondary question, whether the baby was the result of a rape, the answer is that anyone who was truly desperate could lie. She could get an abortion for a fetus that wasn't the product of a rape. So, this also rebuts all the arguments that there will be back alley abortions with coat hangers, etc. If a woman is truly desperate enough, she could go in and lie and get an abortion, but as an attorney, I want it on the books that it's illegal except in those circumstances to that women will take it seriously.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)