God is also your Loving Father

I was working at a law firm in Austin the first time I realized that many people, of many faiths, do not think of God as a loving being.  I was talking about my faith with a friend and she marveled when I told her that I consider Jesus to be my older (and perfect) brother, who loves me, and that I consider God to be my loving and caring Heavenly Father.  She commented that it was an interesting way to look at things, and that it must be comforting to believe that Heavenly Fathers loves you and will take care of you.

Sometimes I forget.

I've been struggling for the past ten years or so with something that I think is a good and appropriate goal.  It was about ten years ago that I began writing in earnest.  I finally finished my first novel about eight years ago.

It stunk.

No, I mean, it was really, terribly, horribly awful.

I revised it about fifteen times.  Seriously.  It got longer.  It improved.  It was still really, truly bad.  I wrote another (very bad) book.  I spent untold hours trying to find an agent to pitch these books to editors so they could be published.  I daydreamed that I would be an author, not just a writer.

I received hundreds and hundreds of form rejections.  I wanted to give up.  But finally, a small press showed an interest.  They asked me to read a book on self-editing and give my first novel a little spiff up.  I did that.  They still passed.  They told me to send them anything else I came up with in the future.

Write another book?  After I'd already done two?  I thought they must be kidding, but I did it anyway.  This time, I did some research, and read a few books on how to write a novel.  This third book was better.  Much better.

It was still pretty bad.  I went to a conference with it.  I found a lot of agents who wanted to read it.  They ultimately all passed.  I wrote yet another book.  (Book four, in case you're keeping track.)  I wrote half of book five.  I kept revising book three, the mediocre one.  It improved.  I kept trying to get an agent.

Finally, in January of last year, I landed an agent.  I was over the  moon.  My time had finally come.  I could almost feel the many copies of my book I would buy once it was in print.  I could sense that success was just around the corner!! I worked with my agent to do two more major overhauls of mediocre book three.  I knew that with this book, I would break out.  She submitted it to a great list of up and coming editors.

No one wanted it.

The saddest part?  After that book flopped, I sent my agent book four, and a newly revised book six.  (Book five is still only half written...)  My agent didn't like books four or six very well.  I sunk into a book-writing depression.  I basically took six months to mope.  My book hadn't sold, and my agent wasn't excited about my other projects.  After spending countless hours, and writing not one, not two, not three or four, or even four and a half, but FIVE full books... I still had absolutely ZERO to show for it.  Forget about how I felt every time a friend asked why I wasn't published yet.  I wanted to yell at them: because I'm a HUGE LOSER, duh!

I was in the process of moving out here to League City when I received a very strong prompting.  God offered me a deal.  The Holy Ghost whispered to my heart that I had been working on books for myself, but that God needed me to start a blog and share my ability to write (limited though it obviously is) to bear my testimony.  He promised me that if I would do this, I would find success in my other writing endeavors.

I did it.  I started this blog last year, because I had faith that He would follow through on his promise. Of course, God's timeframe is not our timeframe, but I had faith it would happen.

I took the time to revise books four and six.  I reworked them over, and over, and over.  I have probably done more than a dozen rounds of revisions on each book.  I hired an editor to help.  I have made every single change I could think of (or my agent and editor could think of).

Those two books both went on submission to editors this spring.  I was so optimistic.  Surely this was my moment, the time when I would get something published.  I told friends and family that they were on submission and to pray for me and/or cross their fingers.  I got busy early this summer and wrote book seven.  My hopes and faith were high.

Then I found out that five out of six editors considering book four had passed, all for the same reason (not relevant.)  My agent and I talked and I was tasked to go back and revise it.  Again.  I have done that, but somewhere in the middle of those revisions, I got pretty low.  I was crying, I was whining, and I was generally feeling pretty sorry for myself.  Whitney (my husband) tried to cheer me up, and he offered me a Priesthood blessing.

I turned him down flat.

I told him I have had faith for ten years, and look where it's gotten me.  I had no faith left.  I said that I wasn't sure if faith could really help me, because after ten years of faith and a lot of hard work, I was still at square one.  I meant every single word.  I was having a crisis of faith (like a little baby) over not getting exactly what I wanted on my timeframe.  I was angry and depressed at the same time.  I alternated between feeling like a failure, and feeling upset that I had worked so hard and God hadn't fulfilled His end of our bargain.

The very next night, I sat down to read scriptures with my son, Eli, and my daughter Dora.  Of course, we read Moroni chapter seven.  I was merrily reading along when I reached verse 26.  "And as surely as Christ liveth he spake these words unto our fathers, saying: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be done unto you."  I know James has a similar verse in the New Testament.

That verse hit me like a ton of bricks.  If I'm asking for something good, and I have faith, I will receive it.  I believe my goal is a good one.  That means either my faith is lacking (clearly!) or it's not time yet.  Last night, I received an answer to a prayer I never sent up to heaven.  I felt as though a loving Heavenly Father reached his hand down to me and patted me on my unbelieving and unworthy little head.  He knows I'm impatient.  He knows I'm not perfect, but He's willing to work with me anyway.

I do not know what timeframe God is on with my writing, and I don't know what He will ask of me yet, but I will just keep plodding along, doing the best that I can and trying to improve my faith, and I do believe that God will help me to reach my goal of one day being published!  I have renewed faith that He has a plan for me.  I promise you that whatever your struggle today, tomorrow or next week, God loves you too.  He is up in heaven, just hoping you will call.  Kneel down today and do it.  He will reassure you through the power of the Holy Ghost that He loves you, and that with a little faith, and with His help, all things are possible.

Are you Flip Flopping out over something?

I posted this photo on my Facebook feed in two places on Sunday morning.  I posted it on my regular feed, and I posted in a Facebook group for Doctor's wives ("LDW").  They are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints.  

I posed the following question: Are these appropriate to wear to church?

I expected that a few people might get on and say, "Oh sure."  Or that a few people might say, "No, probably not."  I did not expect that over 100 people would respond to the post in the doctor's wives group, and that over 50 people would comment on the post in my personal feed.  To give you a frame of reference, I only have 724 "friends" and my normal post usually generates around five or if I'm lucky, ten comments.  

The interesting thing to me is that on the LDW site, I read all the comments.  100 out of 100 comments said "YES, wear them."  Some said, "Why are you even asking?" To which I responded that typically people don't wear flip flops to my church congregation, but that since I worked in the two hour nursery program for toddlers, I was tired of wearing heels.  I explained I was wondering whether these were fancy enough to wear.  Their comments changed in tenor at that point, and lots of them commented (without knowing what church I attend) that "if your church doesn't allow me to wear something comfortable while serving, you should find another church."  

When I read through the comments on my personal feed, the feedback was very different.  Although roughly 2/3 of the comments agreed with the unanimous tone of the LDW website, a very decided 1/3 of the commenters firmly believed these were flip flops, and that flip flops were unacceptable.  People said that I would not want to meet God wearing flip flops (we believe that our church is His house) and that I should not wear them to church.  NOW, let me be clear on this:  I am not even one percent upset by these comments.  Indeed, I specifically asked for these people's feedback and opinions.  Not a single one was given viciously, and in fact, I love every one of the people who posted these things.  This is not in any way a rant.  I am not angry, hurt, offended, or anything like unto it.  

But the responses did get me thinking.  On this topic, there are obviously some very established feelings and opinions.  I used to always bear my testimony on the first Sunday of the month that I believed the "gospel" to be true, not the "church," because the church includes people and they are not always correct.  I felt at the time that this differentiation was a critical one.  People are wrong and they get confused and they let you down.  While those things are still true, my opinion about it has changed.  People do let you down, they do get confused, and they do get offended.  But people are also the absolute REASON for Christ's church.  Without the sick, there is no need for a physician.  We would not need a Savior if we were not all flawed.  

This morning, I was going to the grocery store.  As I frequently do, I chose the wrong pair of shoes for my fickle four year old.  She wanted to wear her flip flops, not her crocs.  (Oh dear, let's not all get talking about crocs and their acceptability.)  My Emmy proceeded to sit on the floor and freak out about my choice of footwear.  It hit me all at once that we are just like my adorable toddler.  We get hung up sometimes on things that might not really matter.  Is showing our Heavenly Father that we love Him and respect His house and the day He has set aside for worship important?  Absolutely.  Not a single soul meant to imply that it wasn't important.  

But I'm not sure my little question merited so much interest, so much time, so much (possible) angst. I don't think people were that upset with me, but I do think this might have been a sore point for some  people in the past, judging by comments.  That got me thinking--how many other things like this have left us flipping out over something that doesn't matter?  Something that our Heavenly Father does not care about, and we should not care about, but we spend a lot of time on it anyway?  

Is there anything in your life right now that has you Flip Flopping out?  

I'd like to leave you with a final thought.  The Savior says the following in John Chapter 14:

   

 27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The next time you or someone else you love starts to Flip Flop out over something, pause and take a breath.  God wants us to have His peace.  He would not want us to be so worried about things that don't matter.  There are so many things in this life that do not matter, and I think whether you flip or flop your way to church is one of them.  You need to show your respect to God, and church is not at all like going to the beach for the morning, but if you wear comfortable shoes and you sit reverently, sing soulfully, and wear respectful clothing, I doubt He really cares what is on your feet.  I think there are innumerable other things out there like this, things we flip out about.  The biggest problem is that we are losing something Christ gave us whenever we do.  

We are losing His peace, we are losing His Spirit, and we are allowing our hearts to be troubled.  So if the answer to my question above is yes, then take a step back.  Say a little prayer and let not your heart be troubled.  His peace is a gift.  Use it.