I was raised a Mormon, but I don't know that the church is true. I don't know that God exists.

I don't know that the church is true.  I don't know that God exists.

Let me tell you a few things that I do know.  The sky is blue.  I have milk in my fridge.  I know because I have seen them.

I do not, however, know that God lives. I do not know that I have a Heavenly Father or that he had a son who lived on this earth. In fact, I don't really know anything the mormon church (or other Christian faiths) teach to be true.  I can't, by definition, see the Holy Ghost.  I don't know if Joseph Smith came and restored the gospel because I never met him myself--I wasn't even alive.  If he did do what he claims, he still could have been a bigot, a real jerk.  He could have been a lecher.  I just don't know, because none of these things are facts.  No matter how long I live, I'll probably never see God face to face.

What probably seems the strangest to most people is that I'm okay with not knowing.

In the Book of Mormon, there is a verse I love.  I first heard it when I was very young.  Alma 32:21:

21 And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.

Having faith in God means I don't know.  I hope for the truth of the things about the gospel, about my Savior, about my Heavenly Father.  I believe they are true, but I don't know.

In the Book of Mormon, there's this character, Nephi, and he has a great dad, Lehi.  He also has two pretty crummy brothers.  I mean, these guys are always whining.  They are always complaining.  Nothing ever makes them happy and they never believe what their dad says, and constantly criticize whatever he does.  I never kept track of how often they are called to repentance in the Book of Mormon account, but I think it's probably safe to assume it happened even more times than the scriptures record.  They never seem to believe in their dad (a prophet of God), or by extension, God, no matter what happens.  God's power shocks them at one point.  Their brother keeps accomplishing things they are sure he can't accomplish--building a boat, finding the promised land, and on and on.  

No matter what happens to them, what miracles they witness, it's never enough.

At one point they even see an angel.  As in, a real angel of God comes down to stop them from attacking their righteous brother Nephi.  If seeing an angel is not enough, let me promise you, no knowledge will ever be enough to convince you.  It is counter-intuitive to me that to believe something is stronger than to know it.

It may be counter-intuitive, but it's still true, because believing in something is an action.  Actions are stronger than facts.  Actions make us stronger, too.  I am who I am because I BELIEVE in God.  I believe in his Son.  I believe in something more than what I am, and I believe that, yes, with God and Jesus on my side, and with the guidance of the Holy Ghost, I can become something I could never be without them.

In Mormon churches, the first Sunday of every month, we are asked to fast, and instead of prepared talks, the members of the congregation are invited to stand at the pulpit and bear their own testimony, without script or preparation.  On these Sundays, called "fast and testimony" Sundays, people always say they "Know" things and it has made me uncomfortable for years, because I couldn't say that.  I just don't know.  In the past, it always felt like I was somehow missing something, like my testimonty was somehow inferior to everyone else's.

I finally realized this week what it means to believe, and that believing makes me stronger, not weaker.

So I will close with my brief testimony.  I believe in God, and in his Son Jesus Christ.  I believe in the Spirit, and in the eternal nature of families.  I delight in the fact that there is a world beyond this one.  That God has a plan for me and for my family and my friends, too.  I am happy that I can grow through trials, through difficulties.  I believe God sent a true and living prophet, Joseph Smith, to restore his gospel many years ago, and I believe He has chosen a prophet to lead his church today--President Thomas S. Monson.  I believe I have been richly blessed, both temporally and spiritually and I am so very very grateful for all that I have.

In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.