I have been reading lately in the book of Alma, in the Book of Mormon. Now I know some of my readers (I'd say two of five!) aren't mormon. Bear with me, because I think the point is one that will transfer.
The Book of Mormon is largely an account of two main groups of people who come to live on the Americas. There's a group of "good" people, the Nephites, and a group of people who are typically wicked, the "Lamanites." Basically their parents were good and bad and they kind of taught their children to do the same as they did. Now, of course, over time nothing stays black and white, so sometimes the Nephites were really wicked, and sometimes the Lamanites weren't so bad, but for the most part, one thing stayed the same: they didn't get along and the Lamanites took every possible chance to hack on the Nephites with their swords.
So imagine the King of the Nephite's surprise when he tries to pass off his kingdom and all four of his sons turn it down. Instead, they only want one thing: to preach God's truths to the wicked, Nephite hating, warmongering Lamanites.
As a parent, I'd say this would be a lot like my kids asking me if they could go preach the mormon faith in, say, Iran. Or something like that. I would be scared. Well, the king of the Nephites is, too, presumably and he prays. God reassures King Mosiah that he will care for his sons. So, they go on their mission. They have a lot of problems, but they are also met with a lot of success, and through a variety of scary things, God keeps his word and the sons of Mosiah stay safe.
Thanks to their mission, thousands upon thousands of wicked, murderous Lamanites are baptized and converted to the gospel of Christ. This is a joyous event!! Unfortunately, it isn't long before Satan stirs up the hearts of the other (non-converted) Lamanites by way of some hardened former members of the church. They come over and start to attack the newly baptized members. Now, I can tell you from the verses in Alma, these new members are shiny, and they are bright. Their souls are gorgeous and pure. They have been completely transformed by the gospel in the best way.
You and I both know that God can forgive us for our sins. But these members, they were so afraid to sin again that they would not take up arms to protect themselves. As a result, more than a thousand of them were slaughtered without any resistance. On that same day a miracle happened. Some of those hardened warriors who killed them felt the stirrings of remorse and the Spirit got through to them. They joined the church. In fact, more people joined than were killed. And those who died had repented, so they went to heaven. (Probably a small consolation to those left behind.)
Now, the part I wanted to write about today. The wicked Lamanites who had become even more hardened were coming back to kill off some more of the traitorous converted Lamanites. They were still angry and they meant to kill every Lamanite who had joined the Nephite church and believed in Christ. Ammon was sort of the chief missionary and he was devastated to see this was happening. Now, Ammon basically said to the king of the righteous Lamanites, 'hey, how about if we go live with the Nephites, since you guys won't fight, and let them protect us?'
The king, had a very surprising response. In Alma 27:6, he says, "Behold, the Nephites will destroy us, because of the many murders and sins we have committed against them."
There's no recrimination there. He isn't upset, or moaning, and he isn't critical. It's a simple fact. He had committed sins against them, and he felt they would be right in destroying them.
Ammon doesn't give up. He asks the king, 'if GOD says we should go, will you do it?' The king's response is, again, very interesting.
The king says in verse eight, "Yea, if the Lord saith unto us go, we will go down unto our brethren, and we will be their slaves until we repair unto them the many murders and sins which we have committed against them."
So he doesn't say, "Sure I'll do what God says." He goes beyond that. He says, if God says we should go, we will, and we will be SLAVES. He feels bad, guilty beyond even what the Nephites feel in anger against most Lamanites.
Ammon tells him the Nephites have a law against slavery (bravo) and the king agrees they will go if God tells them to. If not, they will perish without complaint.
As I was reading this, it struck me that sometimes in life, we have made mistakes we feel are quite egregious. Since none of us are perfect, we make mistakes a lot. I know a guy (my cousin and now a dear friend) who made some big mistakes that became very public. In fact, he went to prison for them. And while he was there, he had a major change of heart. I am lucky to have witnessed a portion of that change of heart myself. I imagine it is similar to the change of heart the Lamanites experienced, and that a great deal of sorrow for past decisions accompanies any such change. I have seen my cousin's heart change and it brought me so much joy.
It is very clear to the reader of these passages that God sees the heart of these Lamanites as it is post conversion. It's pure, clean, and eager to do the right. God loves those people and He wants to bless them and keep them safe. But here's the key:
God can only bless you if you let him.
The Lamanites would never have asked to be protected by the Nephites because they didn't feel worthy.
How often do we feel unworthy and in so doing, block God from blessing us? I think sometimes, I daresay, many times, we are our own worst enemy! We may have repented. We have souls that are filled with light now, but instead of allowing ourselves to recognize that we have changed, nay, transformed, we continue to think of ourselves and our past actions. We allow our past to become an anvil around our necks, dragging us down, instead of letting those mistakes go and trusting in the power of Christ's atonement and seeing what God sees in our heart.
In its own way, this means we are doubting God's own word. In Isaiah 1:18, God tells us that though our sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. We need to trust in him, and in ourselves so that He can bless us in our lives.
Do you have past mistakes you allow to keep you from feeling worthy of God's blessings, even though you've repented and moved on from them? Forget the past, and let the Spirit reassure you that God knows your heart and He sees its beauty. You are worthy of God's choicest blessings and He wants to shower you with them. Don't do what so many many many worthy and transformed souls do and doubt yourself. Trust in God, in His word, and ultimately in yourself and He will bless you beyond your imagining.
