Thanks and Giving

If you know me in real life, you will know that I am usually very active.  I like to work out, I like to play with my kids, I keep a clean house, I love to cook, and bake and I have hobbies.  I write.  I never stop talking.

I'm pregnant right now, and I have been sick, sick, sick.  Part of it is nausea (blech), hyper-smell which makes the nausea worse, and a large helping of dizziness and exhaustion.  Apparently these are all normal, because my body is drastically increasing its blood supply for the new baby, but it all comes together to make me feel like garbage.  I haven't been super chipper about it.

In fact, I've been downright depressed at times.

I take showers sitting down.  I spend almost all day in bed.  I'm sick before I eat, and after I eat, and sometimes I get to taste things a second time.  All in all, my days drag into weeks, and into months, and since I don't really know when it will be over, I get a little down about it.

Today, after another depressing sit-down shower, something struck me very clearly.  I have been richly blessed with a body that functions properly.  Every time we've wanted to get pregnant and have a baby, we've been blessed with one immediately.  (Most times the very first month.)  All but one of my pregnancies have gone very well, sickness aside.  I know the sickness means my body is making progesterone, a hormone that's important to a baby's growth.  All in all, I have been richly blessed, in every single aspect of my life.

It got me thinking about all the things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving season.  I'm well known among my family members for not loving Halloween (yes, I'm a Halloween scrooge.  I do decorate my house, for the record, and I let my kids get dressed and go out, too.  It's just, I don't love the greediness that I feel permeates the whole holiday!) But anyway, as much as I get annoyed by Halloween, I ADORE Thanksgiving!  I love the idea of counting all your blessings and being happy for the things you have.  So here is a list of things that, this Thanksgiving, I am grateful for.

1. I love my husband.  I know this is where I'm supposed to list God first.  I love God, I really do, and I know all my blessings come from him, but He gives me those blessings, in large part, through my husband.  I have the best husband I have ever seen or heard of, and I don't mean that as hyperbole.  He puts me first, always.  He is patient.  He is kind.  He is considerate, and caring.  He is funny and smart and responsible.  He never gets upset at my shortcomings and he loves me with all my flaws.

He swore when we started dating that he would take care of me, and at the time, I thought it was sweet, but un-necessary.  I mean, I was a smart, responsible, independent lady.  I didn't need someone to care for me.

Except I have needed that every single day of our marriage, and he has always been there to honor his promise.

Some days he's been the only thing that kept me going.  I've been sick, I've struggled with pregnancy, with babies, with job difficulties, with friend or family drama.  I've made mistakes and struggled with them.  Every single step of the way, for every single difficult thing I've surmounted, my husband has been there, lifting me up, carrying me over, supporting me without judgement and with unfailing love.  I have trouble expressing the vast emotion I feel for him in the medium of language, but I will tell you it is overwhelming, it is unending.  I love this man.  He is my greatest blessing.

2. I love my God, the gospel, and the Holy Ghost.  I have truly felt my Father in Heaven's love for me, and the love of his Son, my Savior.  I've felt these things from the Spirit of God, which each of us can experience.  I have received inspiration and revelation for the course of my life and that of my family.  I have had concerns resolved, problems solved, pains salved, and inspiration to direct my words and actions.  I have felt the light of forgiveness and the warmth of loving guidance from a brother and father who care.  I am so grateful for the peace and joy the gospel of Jesus Christ and its restoration have brought to my life.

3. I am grateful for my children.  They are exhausting.  They are irritating.  They are time consuming and often tedious.  They can make me doubt my own worth and sanity.  But they are also beautiful little spirits I have been given the responsibility to watch over and protect, to rear and train, here on earth.  I'm grateful for that stewardship and the joy they bring to me.  I don't believe babies naturally know how to love, or what it is.  I have been truly blessed to help teach my children what it means to serve, to love, to care, and to grow.

I am constantly amazed by their capacity to understand, to strengthen our family in ways I never expected.  Their little personalities shine out, each one different, each one divine.  I can't wait to meet this last little addition, and to round out our family.  You sacrifice a lot when you have children: your time, your belongings, your peace, and your sanity most of the time.

You don't realize when you get started that it is the sacrifices you make that are the richest blessing of having children.  The children are their own people, but in being who they are, they transform you into something better: a parent.  You grow as a person while you help them grow.  I am so grateful for the  opportunity I have to be a mother.

4. I cherish my extended family, and dearest friends. I have been blessed with an angelic mother, a devoted father, and wonderful in-laws.  I have a brother and sister here on earth that I am so lucky to have, and to live near.  I have another brother who is no longer with us here on earth, and I have a brother whom I've sort of adopted to fill that hole.  I am so grateful for the sealing power that allows us to remain sealed to our parents and to our spouse after this life.  I'm grateful for the power of resurrection, that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones who have passed.  I'm grateful each and every day for the time I can spend with my family and my dear friends, and the joy and fullness they bring to my life.  I am grateful for the joy it has brought me to see each of my siblings with an eternal companion, as happy with that companion as I am with mine.

It's funny how sometimes bad things help you appreciate the good.  My mom (and mother in law) couldn't have been such an amazing support to me if I hadn't gotten quite so sick.  It's my difficulty in pregnancy that allowed my gratitude for their unfaltering service.  I might never have been as close to my "adoptive" brother Brian if Jesse hadn't died.  I might never have developed such a close relationship with a sister who is five years my junior if she hadn't been my rock during a painful and difficult divorce.  I might never have had a cheerful, beloved Linsey for a sister in law, if we hadn't both endured law school.  (Ok, not as bad as a death or divorce, but if you've been through law school,  you'll know it's a special kind of misery.)

This list could go on and on and on, and in my mind, it will.  But I want to leave you with this thought today.  If you are going through a dark time, a painful time, or a difficult loss, pray for God to let you see the joy, the beauty, and the blessing that will develop from that.  I have a firm belief in God's principle of compensation.  We lose things and we suffer so that we can grow, so that we can improve, so that we can comprehend.  God will always bless us richly during and after these dark times if we will open our eyes to see it.  Open your eyes and look for the blessings around you.  I promise you they are there, or they will be if you will exercise a little faith.  This Thanksgiving season, it is my hope that all my friends and family will be surrounded with their blessings, filled with their love and gratitude for them, and comforted with the joy that comes from the light and love of God in their lives.