Timing

I am mortal.  Weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, they all seem to zoom past me.  One day I am going to die.  Until then, all I really have for myself, all I really own, is my time here. 

Time isn't really the same for God, since He isn't facing eminent demise like we are.  I mean, I have the hope and belief of a life after this, but if God exists, which I believe He does, He knows, because He is living it.  It gives Him interesting perspective and insight into my life, your life, and every mortal life.  I believe one of the main things we have to learn here on earth is to place our trust in God and be patient.  

I have four children.  I am almost an expert on patience.  I'm either telling them to practice it (a futile reminder), or I am practicing it myself.  I wait all day long.  I wait on the kids to eat breakfast.  I wait while Emmy goes potty.  I wait for the bus.  I wait wait wait and then wait some more. 

In all this waiting, I am typically armed with knowledge, albeit limited.  For instance, I know the bus should be here around 7:35.  It might be a few minutes early, so I insist we get there by 7:30.  It might be a few minutes late, so I always wait with the kids until at least 7:45 before I start to worry.  In all this waiting, I typically have a general idea of when my waiting will end.  

In life, we frequently don't have that sort of timeline, or predetermined expectation.  Or sometimes, we do, and it gets blown out of the water.  My husband and I were talking tonight and he shared a very powerful testimony with me that reminded me of all the times I have had to wait, and all the times I have struggled with that.  He said when he was at BYU for undergraduate, he had two main life goals: to become a doctor, and to get married and have a family.  He prayed for help with these regularly.  He worked hard and did his best to make them happen.  He went on a lot of dates, and he studied in all his other free time.  

To his great disappointment, or I might even call it heartbreak, when he applied to medical school the first time, he was not accepted.  The world, including his family, friends, and BYU's (in my opinion inept) pre-med counselor told him to give up. They told him that he obviously wasn't meant to go to medical school.  He would never be a doctor.  He was wasting his time.  Whitney prayed about this decision.  He felt like it was his calling, and yet, everyone said he was wrong.  Everyone in the world told him to quit.  

After praying, he received the certain and steady answer that he would be a doctor.  That he would help many people and that he should not give up.  He left home with very little money and no job and moved to Texas, to pursue residency in a state with several medical schools.  He also found a job at MD Anderson and was able to develop some publication credits (in the science field.)  He kept dating as much as he could.  To his great dismay, he still had not found anyone he felt he could marry.  He kept praying about it and God told him to be patient.  The Spirit reassured him that God had a plan for Whitney and that He would lead him to his wife someday.  

Whitney kept dating.  He kept working.  He kept praying.  It was hard.  He struggled.  He wondered whether he was worthy and whether he would ever get into medical school.  He wondered if he would ever get married.  He had faith in his God and in the Holy Ghost's promptings.  He carried on.  

Then, one day, after studying and retaking the MCAT, after getting two research thingies (I am not medical okay!?) published, he got accepted to medical school.  I should mention here for the record that he was right--he was meant to be in medicine.  He was made Chief Resident in residency and he was named Doctor of the Year last year by his system, and even now he is getting all kinds of patient recognition awards.  The man was meant to be a doctor and God helped him to stay the course.  

Back to the time period we were in, Whitney kept working really really hard in medical school.  He kept dating.  He kept praying.  He had accomplished the first step in one goal, but he had a lot more work to do and he did not shirk it.  He also had another goal which he felt he had not made any progress in.  For a while, he thought maybe he found someone.  Her name was Birgette.  Or something else similarly close, but not quite right.  But it turned out, they were not a good fit and Whitney was back to square one.  He prayed and God told him to have faith.  He would find her.  She was out there.  

Then finally, in November 2005, Whitney was in his third year of medical school when he met me.  He knew very quickly that this was it.  He had waited, he had worked, he had been patient, and finally, he met the right person.  I'm not going to say it was a fairy tale, but our story is way better than Sleeping Beauty.  We even had our first kiss during a Disney movie.  Oh wait, that might make us sound lame...  

In any case, the point is this: God has a plan for me.  He has a plan for you.  It's super easy to wait when someone says, "Bridget you need to be here at 5:04.  Not 5:03, not 5:05.  5:04.  Okay?"  Of course we can wait until then.  Anyone could do that!  You just count down the hours, minutes, seconds and fill your time until that designated time arrives.  

God doesn't work like that for a reason.  When we are praying for something, struggling with something, He doesn't tell us, "Don't worry.  In 3 years, 2 months and 16 days you will find that!"  Sometimes I wish it worked that way, but it just doesn't.  We are expected to have faith and to learn the lessons we need to learn before we can get what we're asking for.  In the book of Nephi, God tells him to build a boat.  Why oh why didn't he just GIVE him a boat?  He could have had another guy who was an expert boat maker just show up and hand one over!  It would have been so much easier and Nephi would have gotten to the promised land (America) so much FASTER and had so much more TIME to appreciate his newfound blessings.  But no, Nephi had to build the tools to shape the metal.  Find the metal.  Shape it, and then build the dang boat.  What a nightmare!! That's all before taking a bazillion years on a boat built by someone who is a complete novice to get over to the new land.  Talk about faith promoting.  Talk about development.  Talk about enduring to the end.  Good grief.  

As humans, as mortals, as people, we WANT our blessings.  We don't really understand that it's the life we live while pursuing those things that has the value.  It's the waiting, it's the obstacles, it's the effort that changes us.  That's what makes us who we are, what molds us into the people God wants us to become.  I am writing for those of you who are floundering, as I have floundered so many times, to those of you who are moaning, crying, wailing or gnashing your teeth because you want something, or forget want, those of you who need something so badly you can taste it and you cannot wait another single, solitary second, I will say this: 

God has a plan for you.  

It's more splendid, more beautiful, more breathtaking and awe-inspiring than you can possibly imagine.  It may even have something as wonderful as a Whitney at the end of it.  Or as beautiful and unimaginable as my four angelic children at the end of it.  Those things might even be the beginning of a whole new chapter in God's itinerary for you.  Take heart.  Have faith.  It's so hard, so hard, so so so hard.  I know that.  Life is difficult and it's a struggle and we don't want to wait and believe and believe and just keep believing, but it's the growth we have during that all that believing that makes the blessings God has in store for us possible.  So just hang on, and I promise you, it's right around the corner.  You are stronger than you know.  You can wait just a little bit longer.  He will help you do it, and it will be worth it in the end.