An Open Testimony: I am Mormon

My name is Bridget Baker.  I am Mormon.

For years now, I've seen people posting things on Facebook and blogs.  Photos of Jesus.  Quotes from the scriptures.  Other "religiousy" things.  When I saw them, I would think, "Oh that's nice, but I'm not like that.  I keep my religion, my spirituality and my testimony private."

Then a few weeks ago, I was listening to the Phillip Phillips' song, Raging Fire, while I was driving across town to close on a new house.  I was in the process of moving myself and my family of four children, a husband and a dog into a new home, and this bizarre thing happened.  The Spirit spoke to my heart, and it was clear and obvious to me what I was supposed to do.  God wanted me to bear my testimony, loudly, clearly, openly.  Now, if you've heard the song I was listening to, you'll know that it's a beautiful song.  I really love all of his songs.  I could listen to most of them on repeat for hours.  (This might make me sound a bit nutty, but I am like this with most songs I really like.)  My point is that it's not a religious song, but it says, "Won't you turn my soul into a raging fire."  As I thought about that idea, I just knew, that no matter his intended context (romantic), God has done that to me in my life over and over.  The world drops away for me, and I know without a doubt that God loves me.  My Savior loves me too, and He lived for me, and He died for me.  And even better, He lives again, for me, and for each of us.  It was time for me to tell everyone, tell the world, not just a few people I happen to meet.  

This isn't supposed to be a one and done thing, the Spirit told me.  I am supposed to bear my testimony regularly.  Answer questions, if people have them.  Address things I'm thinking about, talk about things that happen in my (somewhat boring) life, and articulate how the things I experience impact, expand, or sometimes hurt, my faith.  I am going to attempt to blog every Sunday.  This will be hard, since I have a lot of busy little kids (1, 3, 5, and 7), and I do part time legal work, and I write novels, and I have a life and on and on. I am sure you all get it.  We are all busy busy.

For me, lately, I have been thinking a lot about the context of my testimony.  I have a lot of friends and family who were raised like me, born into a family of Mormons, raised in the Church, and taught good principles.  They have now gone off and gotten educated, some of them to a very high degree (bad pun).  They have developed careers, and many have families.  They are successful, bright, talented.  God has showered them with blessings, and also placed trials in their paths.  (That's how I see it.  It's not how they see it, at least, not anymore.)  A large number of these dear family members and close friends have examined the gospel with their developed intellects and have concluded that it's not true.  They have approached the topic of God with their mind and determined that He does not exist, or that if He does, He couldn't have come to a 14 year old boy to restore His gospel to the earth.  They don't believe in the restored gospel, and some of them do not, in their hearts, believe in God at all.

I can't adequately express the profound sorrow this causes me.  I couldn't care less what they tell the world.  I don't care whether they are looking or acting a part.  I hurt inside for them (not in a condescending way) because my connection to God, the love He has for me, the connection I have with my Savior is a raging fire that lights up my life.  It brings me joy, love, hope, and it anchors me during my periods of sorrow and frustration.  I can see God, I can see the face of perfection in each of the angels He has allowed me, entrusted to me to raise.  I see Him all around me.  I felt Him keenly when my brother died.  I felt Him when I went through a divorce.  I've always felt Him there for me when I've taken wrong turns, when I've repented, when my heart was broken and again I have felt Him heal it, heal me.    

This first blog, I am not going to delve into the basic tenets of my faith.  Instead I want to deal with just one thing--what Faith means to me.  It's not about reading and figuring things out with your mind.  You can't gain a testimony of God through intellectual pursuits.  In fact, I think trying to confuse our imperfect minds is one of Satan's best tools.  (Of course the glory of God is intelligence, but Satan is a big fan of sophistry, too.)

My point is that you aren't Mormon because you've studied all God's words, or because you read Hebrew or have read the text of the New Testament in Greek.  You are Mormon (or substitute Christian here for my dear and beloved non-Mormon friends) because you feel it with your HEART.  You know in your bones, or even in the marrow, that God loves you.  You uncover that faith from reading God's word, through service to others.  Serve your own children, family or friends or strangers on the street.  It doesn't matter--Jesus served everyone and His Father loves us all.  When we serve others, when we live like He did, we grow to become like Him.  Our hearts will open.  I am Mormon because my heart is open to God's love, to God's message.

This is my message to the world.  I am Mormon and I am not ashamed.  I believe I was created by a loving Heavenly Father and that my brother, Jesus Christ, came to the earth and saved me, physically by breaking the bands of death through His own resurrection, and spiritually by atoning for the sins of the world.  I am grateful that after all they have done, my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ, are still interested in hearing from me, through prayer.  They are still interested in my well being and they have sent me a comforter in the form of a Holy Ghost who reassures me in my heart.

I am proud of my beliefs and I am happy to discuss them with anyone who wants to know more, or who has questions to ask.  I will post about something new every week.  (Or try to... I will be in Italy for 10 days starting tomorrow, so I will try to set something up to post on Sunday, but who knows if it will work??) My goal is to talk about, and to testify of, my feelings, my beliefs, and the joy they bring me without upsetting anyone and without hurting feelings, which I understand is hard.  People take offense even when it's not intended.

I plan to use my mind to its fullest on this blog, as I do in life, but that will never take the place of having an open heart.  God wants us to have and value both.

With love and hope,

Bridget Baker